This is a challenge I find most people usually have throughout their lifetime. Most people settle or do not know how to find themselves. It is not an easy task for many of us. I used to be jealous/envious of those who were comfortable in their own skin, knew themselves, and trusted themselves. At least I thought/felt they were happy.
So many years ago, when I was generally unhappy, I set a goal find what happy was for me. Where would I start? I asked myself what makes me happy? Many things made me happy. Visiting cousins on the farm. Laughing. Having mutual attraction with someone. Connecting with someone in anyway. Playing soccer. Hiking. Making money(it seems superficial, but it relaxed me to have money in the bank. I HATE debt). ETC.
I observed happy people. Why were they happy? What made them happy? It wasn’t money. That was clear. Some of the happiest people were the poorest I knew. It usually started with being surrounded by family and/or friends that genuinely cared about the happy person’s well being and success in life. The happy person was always a positive person. They saw the glass of water as half full and not half empty. They had a sense of humor and were comfortable with their own thoughts and opinions. they knew what they liked and they even knew when they were done liking something and it was time to move to something else.
The easiest place to start was my outlook on life. I tended to focus on negative things in every situation. So now I tried to find the good. It was new, but it felt great. I found a mentor and the mentor would often help me find the good in situations, if I could not. They would help me keep the short and long term goals in line with each other. Long term being happy.
Support/family/friends. This was something I was clearly lacking in a big way. My family loved me, but did not know how to love and support me. They did not have my well being at the front of their thoughts. Financially they were supporting me, which I appreciated, but emotionally they would try and cut me down. Friends. WOW, I had made some bad choices with who I would hang out with day to day. Did they care about my well being? No. Not at all. So I had to ask myself why was I hanging out with them?
It was at this time I decided I needed love and support, so I went about creating my own ‘surrogate family.’ First, I didn’t know how to find a friend, so I targeted, yes targeted, folks who seemed loyal, honest, and might tolerate my transition. Not all of them were good choices, but I finally narrowed it down to two. There were more, but two were closer to where I lived. It ended up being one who was a very good friend. His family adopted me in a sense and showed me more love than I could have ever guessed. Hugs were new to me, but god I loved them. I did not disavow my family or my formers ‘hangout friends,’ but I did focus on doing other things, such as being around happy people. It seems happy folks love having friends.
Next was discovering what I liked doing. I felt if I could find out what I have a passion for this would help me find more friends, since we would share a similar passion(s) . If I knew what I what I truly liked doing, then I would be more comfortable in my skin and what I talked about. I would not get into interests, that I had no real passion doing or talking about.
That leads to where I am now. Still growing. I am monumentally happier than I was when I started this journey I have my surrogate family, I have a clearer understanding of my passions, and I defiantely am now a Glass Half Full type of person. I hope my short story can give you some light into reaching your goals.