confidence

Comparisons and Confidence

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Walking into the grocery tonight I saw a woman talking to a little boy.  As I approached I noted that she was taking an extraordinarily long time to talk to and convince the boy they need to go into the grocery.  It was a little dark.  She was kneeling and her back was to me.  The boy looked like he was having fun and seemed to love the attention.  I walked by them, got a small shopping cart, and glanced in their direction.  Bam!  I locked eyes with the woman for a moment and was rattled.  She was gorgeous in that moment.

I quickly went inside, so I would not stare.   Who knows if she was really gorgeous,   I but I was flustered.  Why was I flustered?  It was because I did not feel worthy.  I did not see her as an equal and I disliked that in myself.  I gave her value simply based on beauty in that moment.  That was not valuing myself and that was not valuing her.

As I was grabbing things around the store I bumped into her literally walking around the corner of an isle.  Once again I was flustered and quickly made my way to grab what I needed.  She was gorgeous.  It was obvious she was dressed up to go to something.  I felt I had stared for a moment too long and thought of myself as a weirdo.  Not great self talk.

Soon after that I headed to the cash register.  I was still a bit flustered and at the time trying to figure it out, so I didn’t make a lot of small talk.  the lines were long, so I waited my turn and read the news on my phone.  Finally it was my turn to check out.  It was at that moment I saw who was behind me.  It was her.  Once again I was flustered and could not keep a decent conversation with the cashier.  All I wanted to do was get out of the grocery and figure out why I am tongue tied again.  Worse the cashier accidentally dropped the trail mix I had bought all over the place.  I had to wait for him to clean up and then give me a refund.

Some people are just gorgeous, man or woman.  Once I was out of the store I had time to really think about what had occurred.  I really admired how this woman worked at being sexy and the truth of the matter is I haven’t.  Most people think sexy is just natural, but those who really know what it is to be sexy, know they have to work at it.  She had been working out.  It was obvious.  I admire people who take care of themselves and  was embarrassed, because I had not been showing myself the same self-love.

Usually I live in cities where exercise is a part of my daily routine.  Lots of walking and outdoor activities, but this city is the anti-pedestrian city and anti-outside activity.  It is the drink, eat, catch a movie, and sleep city.  I realized I am literally going to have to take more time to work out.  My six pack is gone.  I want to walk through the grocery with the confidence I had a few months ago.

It felt like the universe was speaking to me and getting on track.  1.  Workout more diligently.  2.  Don’t compare myself to others, love myself for what I am.  3.  No one is above me.  We are all equals.  4.  Forgive myself for being shallow for a little bit.  5.  Love and respect myself.

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