Meet Your Marriage’s Next Rule: Money Isn’t About The Math

Why isn’t money about the math?

Typically, conversations about money revolve around how to spend money, which is a conservation about the here and now, and how to save for things that really matter, which is a conversation about the future.

The truth is that each of us has a different way we want the here and now and the future to look—and that’s not mathematically-based. That’s emotionally-based.

That’s why couples tend to fight about money.

Then, there’s the brain.

In addition to differing perspectives, each of us also has a cognitive relationship with money that influences our spending and saving tendencies.

Our childhood, teenage years, and adult experiences have continually crafted our likes and dislikes regarding money. It’s “okay” to spend money on some things, but not on others.

Remember the inner world principle (Lasting marriage rule #2)? Well, each of us have an inner world pertaining to money, too.

What can you do?

Solving money-related conflicts takes open and honest discussion about what’s important to you.

When your partner is able to hear what you value or don’t value (spoken gently, per Lasting marriage rule #4), the odds that you’ll have a productive conversation go up tremendously.
And so, when you find yourself getting flustered, pause for a moment and think: “Why do I value this purchase? Why does my partner value this purchase?” Since the difference in value is the cause of the issue, understanding the difference is the key.

Daily reflection: what was your last fight about money? Do you see how it was rooted in a difference in value?

Meditate for just a few moments. When you’re finished, tell your partner how much you love them!

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